A combination of weakness and cowardice keeps my jaws clenched and my fists balled up by my sides. Anger rises 'til the face I try to keep calm turns beet-red and I take deep breaths that escape me again as defeated sighs. I continue hoping that things will change for the better but the hole only seems to go deeper. Kierkegaard said, "He who will only hope is cowardly." This statement suggests that I am cowardly and I am in no way in disagreement with such a suggestion. All the hoping done yields no worthy results and every word muttered contemptupusly under my breath hurts nobody but myself and my relationship with God. The hope is a placeholder for the action demanded for true growth. Progression is the acceptance of the current state of things and the ability to understand that faithless prayers and time ill-spent hinder forward motion.
Since it is all in God's hands (which I understand to be undisputed truth) then one should always be seeking truth and improvement through the implementation of healthy habits and non-destructive activity; all of which we should thank Him for and rejoice in the blessing of repetition that brings us nearer to an ultimate truth and and undying love in Christ.
[note: All of the above is directly copied from a journal entry made immediately after reading a section of Repetition by Constantine Constantus, otherwise known as Soren Kierkegaard. The vaguebit about repetition in the final line is, of course, referential to this book.]
